Sunday, August 10, 2008

Special Needs

I know I won't be blogging every day, but I had to add to my initial post. Although school administrators haven't always been my friend (except for 2 Rutherfords in two different states--uncanny), my son has had some fantastic teachers! Ms. Kristen, Ms. Deborah, Ms Sonja, Ms. Beth, Ms. B, Jana were (and now Mimi, ABear, and Naynes are) inspiring. They expected/expect him to learn, were/are patient in the teaching, and made every possible modification imaginable to help him to do his best and to have fun in the process. Thank you!!!!! I have much gratitude for those special teachers!

Wait a minute--I have to address this. The word special triggers another label discussion. What about the label: special needs? I mean, come on. What's special about changing the diaper of a teenager? What's so special about not being able to feed oneself? What's so doggone special about attempting to explain a person's jumbled speech to someone else not being completely sure I understood it in the first place?
I used "special needs son" gingerly when my son was around 4-5 years of age. I was not yet resigned to the fact that my child would always be different, but it did seem to be the reality for now. I thought "special needs" was a delicate way of saying that he requires additional care, extra attention, extraordinary assistance. Then I met a friend who said she hated that label. She said that there was nothing "special" about the needs. It gave me a jolt.
I guess it all depends on how you define special. The Oxford English Dictionary (the Compact version I just happen to have on my desk) lists the first definition as "Of such a kind as to exceed or excel in some way that which is usual or common." So technically yes, a person with special needs does have needs that exceed or excel what is usual or common. But what about the common usage of "special"? "Admitted to particular intimacy; held in particular esteem." This is the second definition and it is listed as the definition pertaining to friends. It does not apply in this instance, but it is more often what we mean by special, I think. "Marked off from others of the kind by some distinguishing qualities or features" is the third definition with part c reading, "Additional to the usual or ordinary." OK, so maybe special is right as long as it is not the sense that applies to people. But it sure doesn't sound right. My son is special, but I have no fondness or high esteem for his "more than common" needs. But how would "this is my son with additional needs" sound to him? No better than special, really. The emphasis is in the wrong place after all.
This is my son, D. He loves people, a good laugh, and music, and I get to be his Mama. A much better introduction. Let's just leave the "special" implied.